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What's the difference..... 1/6/2009
What's the difference between an egg and a wank ?
You can beat an egg !
0 Comments,
42 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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"Your Sign Outside Says......" 11/11/2008
A blonde walks into
a hardware/lumber store and asks the clerk "I'm
here about your advertisement?" The clerk tells
her, "Be with you in a minute, miss" and goes
back to helping the customer he was waiting on. After a couple
of minutes, he looks up and sees the blonde lying down on
a cot, butt naked and with her legs spread. Quickly rushing
over, embarrassed he ...
0 Comments,
149 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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4 Stages of Life 10/31/2008
Summary of Life
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush
your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They
always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze ...
0 Comments,
84 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Politics 10/23/2008
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ' What is Politics?
'
Dad says, ' Well , let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call
her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you
the People.
The nanny, we will consider her ...
0 Comments,
89 Views,
8 Votes
,5.80 Score
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Nine Words Women Use 10/21/2008
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when
they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means
a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have
just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping
around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the ...
0 Comments,
86 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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drunk man 10/10/2008
An English joke A drunk man wins the jackpot on the fruit machine in his local
pub, he is so drunk he can hardly pick up the 20pence coins
scattered everywhere. The barman gives him a plastic bag
and they both put all the coins in. He carries the heavy bag
back home but on putting the key in the lock he drops the bag.
He is too drunk to pick them up so he leaves them there and
goes to bed. The ...
3 Comments,
117 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Quickie in the bushes 8/20/2008
There are two statues in a park, one of a nude man and one of
a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway
for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from
the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, as a reward for being so patient through
a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have
been given life for 30 minutes to do ...
0 Comments,
129 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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The Centipede 8/12/2008
This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner
that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (100-leg bug),
which came in a little white box to use as his house.
He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and
decided he would start off by taking his new ...
0 Comments,
85 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Mammogram 8/10/2008
A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed
in her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches
her for a while and asks, Do you have any idea how ridiculous
you look? Whats the matter with you? The woman continues
to bounce on the bed and says, I dont care what you think.I
just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that
not only am I healthy, but I have the ...
0 Comments,
110 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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3 old ladies 8/3/2008
3 old ladies, Gertrude, Maude, and Betty were sitting on
a park bench bench in Toronto, Ontario having a conversation
when a flasher approached them from across the park. The
flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them
and, to there shock opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately
had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Betty, being
older and more feeble, couldnt reach ...
0 Comments,
98 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Set it free 8/2/2008
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room, eats your food, messes
up your stuff, takes, your money, and never behaves as if
you set it free in the first place, then you either married
or gave birth to it.
0 Comments,
59 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Hidding in the closet 8/2/2008
Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny comes running
over.He says
0 Comments,
83 Views,
3 Votes
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Little Johnny's 8/2/2008
Little johny's school is having show and tell, so the
teacher starts a 'Guess Whats Behind My Back'
game. She goes to her desk and picks up a item. She says, okay
class, what am I holding, its RED, ROUND, and SHINEY. Little
Johny replies I know teacher its an apple, The teacher replies,
no little johny, But I like the way you think. So the teacher goes gack to her desk picks up another item.
She ...
0 Comments,
90 Views,
8 Votes
,5.56 Score
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The Body Builder 7/29/2008
The body builder takes his shirt off and the blonde says,
What a great chest you have! He tells her thats 100 lbs of
dynamite, baby. He takes off his pants and the blonde says,
What massive calves you have! The body builder tells her,
thats 100 lbs of dynamite, baby. He then removes his underwear
and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming
in fear. The body builder puts his ...
0 Comments,
90 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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SING IT GIRLS!!! 7/26/2008
At first I was afraid, I was petrified. When you said you
had 10 inches, Lord I almost died! But Id spent so many years
just waiting for a man that long, that I grew strong, and
I knew that I could take you on. But there you are, another
lie. I was ready for a Big Mac and you brought me a french fry!
I should of known that it was bullshit, just a sad pathetic
dream should have known there was no ...
1 Comments,
106 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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Nudist colony 7/21/2008
An elderly man joined a nudist colony just to see what it
was all about. As he was walking down a path, a beautiful
woman came the other way and he got a hard-on. She said, Did
you yell at me?" When he said no that he was new, she
said that when a man got a hard-on, the woman was supposed
to take care of it, so she took him in the bushes and fucked
hime silly. He was tired but felt great. He ...
0 Comments,
100 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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CATHOLIC BLONDE 7/8/2008
On their Honey moon, the blonde slipped into a sexy nightie
and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to
find her new catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make
love to her, he replied, "its Lent. In tears she sobbed,
Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! Who
did you lend it to, and for how long?
0 Comments,
107 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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The Chili At A Diner 7/4/2008
A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take
his order, and he asks her,
2 Comments,
114 Views,
5 Votes
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Intercom System 7/4/2008
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about
to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little
horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against
the wall and, smiling, he says to her,
2 Comments,
65 Views,
4 Votes
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Turning Eighty 7/4/2008
An old man went in to see the doctor and said,
0 Comments,
25 Views,
1 Votes
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Unhappy Pharmacist 7/4/2008
Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders
2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks
out laughing. The pharmacist is perplexed but doesn't
give it a second thought. The next day the same guy walks
in laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing,
pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing.
The pharmacist remembers the day before and starts to ...
0 Comments,
32 Views,
3 Votes
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Spy Parrot 7/4/2008
This guy walks into a petstore. For the past two weeks he
has suspected his wife of cheating on him, so he decides
to buy a parrot that can tell him what goes on at his house
during the day while he is at work.
'Well' says the petstore owner, 'I only got
one bird that can do that, but he's got no legs. The guy
looks at him and says, 'Well if he ain't got no legs,
how's he balance himself ...
0 Comments,
20 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Husbands are husbands 7/3/2008
A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him
round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?
the man asked. The wife replied. "That was for the
piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your
pants pocket " The man then said "When I was at
the races last week, Jenny was the I bet on".
The wife apologized and went on with her housework. 3 days
later the man is ...
0 Comments,
82 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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SAME THINGS. 6/27/2008
WHAT DO A AIRPLANE AND A WOMAN HAVE IN COMMON? ????? THEY
BOTH HAVE COCKPITS....
0 Comments,
62 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Wedding certificate 6/26/2008
Have I had examined our wedding certificate for about 10
minutes , my wife said what are looking for, I said the expiry
date !
0 Comments,
39 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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Marriage 6/26/2008
My wife asked what I wanted for our 25 th wedding celebration,
I said a 2 minute silence !
0 Comments,
61 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Lulus Grandma 6/18/2008
Lulu was a , but she didnt want her grandma to
know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes
at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police
took them outside and had all the prostitutes lined up along
the driveway when suddenly, Lulus grandma came around
the corner. Grandma asked, Why are you standing in line
here dear? Not willing to let her grandmother know the ...
0 Comments,
87 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Things aren't always what they appear to be. 6/16/2008
I struck lucky one night. I was in a bar and after a good few drinks I copped off with
this woman and we went back to her place to spend the night
together.
The next morning as we were having breakfast, I noticed
a photograph of a man. It was on the sideboard in the kitchen.
In the lounge was another photograph of that same, and another
was in the bedroom.
You can ...
0 Comments,
83 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT 6/5/2008
Its really stupid but you gotta try it!!! it is from an orthopedic
surgeon... this will boggle your mind and you will keep
trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your
foot, but you cant! Its preprogrammed in your brain! 1.
WITHOUT anyone watching you (They will think your nuts),
and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your
computer lift your right foot off the ...
0 Comments,
84 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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TAKING A WOMAN TO BED 6/4/2008
What is the difference between girls/Woman aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and
78? At 8- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 you
tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28- You dont need to
tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38- She tells you a story
and takes you to bed. At 48- She tells you a story to avoid
going to bed. At 58- You stay in bed to avoid her story. At
68- If ...
1 Comments,
137 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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