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Chicken 4/25/2011
2 lesbian frogs were were 69ing. When they were thru thet
were just laying and recoperating from there session when
one looked over at the the other and said, damn they are right
we do taste like chicken.
0 Comments,
67 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Buddies 4/25/2011
2 gerbals are walking along a downtown street when they
happen to stop in front of a gay bar. 1 turns and looks at the
other and says hay buddy want to go in side and get shit faced?
0 Comments,
55 Views,
0 Votes
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farm animals 4/20/2011
you have a donkey i have a rooster your donkey bites the legs off of my rooster. what do you get? two feet of cock in your ass
0 Comments,
71 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Rejection by Dom 4/7/2011
Dear [____rejectee' s name here_____], Sir: I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
further contention as my perfect Master. As You are probably aware,
the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified
candidates such as Yourself also failed to make the final
cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become
available. So that You may find ...
1 Comments,
63 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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The 12 Days of Christmas - BDSM Version 4/7/2011
On the 1st day of Christmas my Master handcuffed me to a branch on a big pear tree
On the 2nd day of Christmas my Master gave to me, two nipple clamps while handcuffed to the pear tree...
On the 3rd day of Christmas my Master gave to me, three good tugs on the two nipple clamps, while handcuffed to the pear tree...
On the 4th day of Christmas my Master gave to me, four ...
0 Comments,
40 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Signs you've become a pervert 4/7/2011
You were always disappointed that the book Of Human Bondage
wasn't. Sticks & stones may break your bones, but that's
an acceptable risk. You read Andrea Dworkin for the pornography. You call people other than your Father "Daddy''/Mother
"Mommy". Reading the word "spanking'' gets you all
a-quiver. Your first, favorite scout badge was for knot tying. You moved to Oregon so you could wear more ...
0 Comments,
42 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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How to be a Really Obnoxious Dominant 4/7/2011
Insist that all Bondage play be done only with Silly string.
For gagging, use Giant Super Sourball Bubble gum, found
in Grocery vending machines. When your sub starts turning blue from too-tight bounds,
tell them how it brings out the color of their eyes ... Make them embroider "This Ass Owned and operated
by Mistress/Master (insert name here) on all of their work
clothes. Flog your submissive... ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Little Johnny 3/14/2011
Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked the following
question: "If there were 5 birds in a tree, and a farmer
shot one, how many would be left?" 
Little Johnny shot up his hand and responded "None".
The teacher correcting him noted that 5 minus 1 equals 4.
Johnny replied "But the other birds would have been
scared by the gunshot and flew off". The teacher looked
at Johnny ...
1 Comments,
197 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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God's Joke 3/14/2011
Gods cruel little joke on men...give them a brain and a dick
but only enough blood to work one at a time. 
0 Comments,
53 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Tech Support 2/9/2011
Subject: Tech Support issue Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes
to the accounting software; severely limiting access
to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that had
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of
this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In ...
1 Comments,
95 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Types of Women 12/30/2010
COMPUTER Woman: You can't live with them, you can't live without
them.
HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
...
0 Comments,
50 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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One for the ladies 12/30/2010
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake
happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously
but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder,
but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared
and yelled:
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE ...
0 Comments,
49 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Pleasing a woman 12/30/2010
A group of girlfriends went on vacation and they see a five-story
hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only."
Since they were without their boyfriends, they decide
to go in.
The Doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how
it works, "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and
once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there.
It's easy to decide, since each floor ...
0 Comments,
49 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Spacewoman! 12/10/2010
Q. Why haven't we put a woman on the moon? A. Because
it doesn't need cleaning!
0 Comments,
12 Views,
2 Votes
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The pros and cons of having nipple rings 11/24/2010
The pros of having a nipple ring or rings: #10. You gain a new and much higher threshold for pain.
#9. You have more than just your purse to keep from losing
your car keys.
#8. With a little body english and a short copper wire, you
can pick up pay-per-view if the weather is right.
#7. You can now jump car batteries without cables.
...
0 Comments,
35 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Bill the neighbor 11/20/2010
The doorbell rings and the husband says to his wife, "honey
get that please I'm involved with the game."
She opens the door and there's neighbor bill standing
there. He says, "I'm embarassed to say this but
since you've lived here I've thought that you
have the most beautiful breasts around and I'll give
you $200 if I can just see them." She glances over her
shoulder and figures "what the ...
0 Comments,
153 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Managing Dominance 11/18/2010
Managed Dominance
Welcome to Managed Dominance, a whole new way of thinking
about dominance and submission. The Dominance Management
Organization (DM combines all the advantages of a traditional
D/s network with important, cost-saving features.
Q: HOW DOES IT WORK?
A: Under the plan, you choose your Dom from a network of prescreened,
accredited Dominance Providers ...
0 Comments,
26 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Attorneys 11/13/2010
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you ...
2 Comments,
79 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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This will make you smile 11/8/2010
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and
dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting
for him.
"I don't know what to do here, " says the
devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what
I'm going to do. I've got a few folks here who weren't
quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them ...
1 Comments,
89 Views,
0 Votes
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sicktionary 11/8/2010
1. gmail - a chainmail in the form of a gstring. wearing it
makes you look like you have been given a wedgie while you
are wearing a metallic gstring. its also the name of the
mail service provided by google
2. iPiss - latest in apple mobile technology, includes
a portable urinal where u can piss on the go. its also filipino
for
2 Comments,
18 Views,
0 Votes
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golf 9/11/2010
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of
course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through
the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now
we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize
and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and ...
2 Comments,
182 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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The perfect day - Her and His versions of 8/28/2010
the perfect day - her and his versions of
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best
friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's
ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30
Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 Make love ...
1 Comments,
70 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Excuse Me Sir, Your Fly Is Unzipped 8/28/2010
Excuse Me Sir, Your Fly Is Unzipped
1. "The cucumber has left the salad."
2. "Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd
is hanging out."
3. "Your soldier ain't so unknown now."
4. "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend
to his bells."
5. "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!"
...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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grass sandwich 5/10/2010
At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl
from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze,
and says, "In America, we call this a hug".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says,
"In America, we call this a kiss".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, ...
0 Comments,
95 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
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Rabbits 1/26/2010
Teacher says to little Johnny. "If I give you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and
2 more rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?"
Johnny replies. "Seven, Miss"
The teacher tries again. "If I give you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits, and
then I give you another 2 rabbits, how many rabbits will
you have altogether ?"
Johnny replies. "Seven, Miss".
The teacher, ...
0 Comments,
181 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
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Flight From Fight 1/22/2010
After a heated argument, the husband yells "I'm
leaving" and storms out the house. The wife shouts"If
you can't take a joke, at least take out the trash!"
0 Comments,
130 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Dumb Blonde Joke 1/22/2010
Ted and Jack are two buddies drinking at a bar. Ted asks Jack
if his wife's "carpet" matches the "drapes."
Jack says "No, but being a typical blonde the drapes
match the attic."
0 Comments,
166 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Trains 1/4/2010
Question: What is the difference between a Virgin train
and a train from another company? Answer: A Virgin train has never been in a tunnel.
0 Comments,
147 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Father and bonding 11/1/2009
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old .
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?". To which the man matter-of-factly
replies, "Those are called condoms, . Men use
them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see.", replied the boy, pensively. "Yes,
I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a ...
4 Comments,
377 Views,
17 Votes
,6.52 Score
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Only if it's raining 11/1/2009
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work.
One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes, " she
yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's
home early!"
I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled
reply from beneath the sheets. "It's ...
3 Comments,
370 Views,
14 Votes
,5.70 Score
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